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I’m single but not because I want to be. I love men. I was designed to be feminine and made to be loved by a man. I would love to be cared for and I get tired of being strong. But for now I’m single, and I need to talk about “elephant in the room.”
DATING!!
Dating as an adult after divorce or loss. Oh my goodness…..
It’s not for the faint of heart!!
I started a Single mom's group about a year and a half ago. Most, if not all of us, are not single by choice. We have collectively experienced death, betrayal, abuse, and rejection. There are many wounds and self-worth issues that we are on a journey with Jesus to overcome. This makes taking the next step into dating difficult to navigate for some of us.
Last week during my single mom’s meeting, I knew God was wanting me to go deeper and to talk about the subject we were all avoiding. Dating! The Lord had been pressing on my heart for about a month that the subject of dating needed to be tackled but, to be honest, I wasn’t looking forward to it. You see I have my own issues with the subject of dating, and if I had to discuss it that meant I had to look at my own issues and actually have a conversation with the Lord about it. Delving into my own hurts and pain is not something I enjoy. But God….. you see He has made me aware that the avoidance of pain most often causes more pain in the long run. Ouch!
So needless to say, we (Jesus and I) had a dialogue about dating and what to discuss with my single mom’s group.
Here are the highlights…..
1. You have to work on yourself first. You can’t go from heartache and wounding to a healthy relationship without healing in yourself. Time is needed to heal. Jesus is the healer and only His healing will do.
2. You are not desperate!!You may be lonely, tired, hurt, have the desire to be cared for and loved, but you are not desperate because God is pursuing you the way a man should. With love, kindness and humility. Lean into Him.
3. Your children are not dating. Protect them from the uncertainty of dating life. Protect their hearts and only introduce them to a a man you know will love them and you.
4. Don’t be stupid twice. Be aware and don’t repeat the same mistakes out of your own hurts and pain.
5. You can’t fix someone else. You can’t make a man “happy” enough to be healed and ready for you. That is an illusion and is devastating to any relationship.
6. Don’t marry someone’s potential. Don’t ignore red flags because he has potential. At this stage in life, and with children, potential isn’t enough.
7. He must have a huge heart. We are single moms with MOM being the key word. He must have enough love to give to us and our children. We are a package deal.
8. Be picky. Most of us don’t set the bar of our aspirations as high as they should be, because somewhere on the inside we’ve decided we’re not worthy. This is a Lie from the enemy!!!
9. Make a list of characteristics that are important to you. Ask the lord what His very best for you looks like. Stay dedicated to that list and choosing well in your next man. Don’t waver because it’s worth it to wait for the right person.
10. Pray for the next man and trust God. Trust His time, His ways, and His love for you!!
I have had many dating mishaps at this point. I should probably write a book…. It would be comical. In the end, dating is about enjoying each interaction and each moment. It’s about dating well and with integrity, keeping your heart open, and living your best life until the right man comes along. Gods plan is better than mine and I trust Him for the one He is saving for me.
I referred to My Single Mom Life book by Angela Thomas for some of the content.
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